Dark Noon
by Talise Lovela
Summary: What would have happened if Alice had never seen Bella jump? My take on that story. Rated T just to be safe. New update- Bella isn't exactly human, but she's not a vampire... no idea what she is. FINALLY UPDATED! AFTER ALMOST A YEAR! sorry, guys...
1. Chapter 1: No Jumping

Where we left off...

This particular fan fiction runs off the beaten road right before Bella goes to jump off a cliff in New Moon- I wanted to see what would happen if Alice never saw her jump.

I am not the best writer ever, and Stephenie Meyer is - for obvious reasons- better at expressing the characters than I am. Also, I've been told that my writing comes off as creepy and suicidal- which actually makes sense if you know me- so, just be warned.

Disclaimer- SM owns Twilight, New Moon, etc. I wish she'd let me borrow Jake for a day or two, though...

**Chapter 1- No jumping**

This wasn't working. I was right back to where I have been for the past two days. Walking along the beach, just aimlessly wandering. The ache in my chest was festering. Damn, I needed to jump. I had been counting on it to fix me, and now I couldn't. Maybe... Sorry, Jake, but I need to do this. I needed to hear _his_ voice again. The voice that made this hole in my chest, and that fixed it when I heard his voice again.

So I got in my truck and drove to the little trailhead that I knew was somewhere around the road by the forest. When I finally spotted it, I got out of my truck and slammed the door.

I heard a wolf howl in the distance- several wolf howls. I hoped Jacob was all right.

I went up the trail, looking for the point where I knew that the trail would break off to the lower ledge where Jake and I were supposed to go. But I must have passed it, because before I knew it I was at the end of the trail, looking out at the bay **(is it a bay? I don't know...)** and contemplating what I was about to do. I glanced up and saw that the sky was in turmoil.

I needed to do this soon, before it started raining.

I took a deep breath, and looked out at the water. It was a little rough today, but not that bad. I released the breath, took a step forward, and took another, deeper, breath.

And I heard Jake calling me.

"Bella! Bella, where are you? I see your truck!" he called, and I felt a slight tinge of annoyance, but relief, as I heard his voice calling.

"Bella! What are you doing up there?" he seemed a little surprised, and I felt another pang of annoyance.

"We were _going_ to jump today, weren't we?" I said, my annoyance- more than a little bit directed at my hesitance, I realized- making my voice sharper than I intended.

"Bella, can't you see the weather out there? IT's turning into a hurricane!" he said, finally drawing even with my shivering body. He seemed shcoked, and I blushed slightly.

"I kind of wasn't thinking about that," I muttered, blushing even harder when he chuckled under his breath and smiled. I smiled back, unable to resist.

"Come on, Bella, let's get you away from the cliff before you fall in or something." I stuck my tongue out at him, and he chuckled. I stepped away from the edge.

"Come on!" his eyes gleamed, and before I knew it, I was in his arms, and we were flying through the afternoon-dappled trees.

**AN: This is my first fanfic ever, so please, don't judge too hard. I tried to keep as much of the original wording in it as possible (No copyright infringement intended, just some fun), so it's a little confusing. Tell me what you think! (I like constructive critism, but hate destructive critism.)**


	2. Chapter 2: My World

**Hi again! I really like writing, and I'd rather not start a new story before I finish this one, because then I would probably slowly drop this story, so... here's the second chapter on the same day as the first!**

**Chapter 2: My World**

I closed my streaming eyes as he ran along the trail back to my truck. I tried to curl my arms surreptitiously around the aching hole in my chest.

Of course Jake noticed- nothing seems to escape him about me.

"What's wrong?" he slowed down, relieving a little of my pain by that simple act. I sighed a little and snuggled closer to take in his warmth.

Suddenly, his eyes flashed with understanding.

"My running reminds you of... him... doesn't it?" he asked, and I nodded. Sometimes it scared me how perceptive of me Jake was.

His eyes flashed with something that looked like pity, but it was gone before I could be sure.

"Come on, Bells, let's get you home." he said quietly, putting me down. I looked around and realized that we were next to my car. He had just run a walk that took me almost an hour in ten minutes. I huffed at that as he chuckled, and got in my truck's passenger side. He raised his eyebrows.

"I'm shaking too much at the moment to be operating machinery."

He laughed, "You sound like one of those drug commercials." Then he got into the driver's seat.

As he drove me to my house, something clicked.  
The hole in my chest was almost gone at this point.

I glanced at Jacob, and saw that he was glancing at me, too. He smiled and I smiled back.

Jacob Black was my world now.

**AN: This is a really, really short chapter. I know. I'm sorry. But I loved this chapter ending, so I couldn't change it.**

**Review, and I will be touched. Don't, and I will be crushed. (Hey, that rhymed... sort of.)**

**When I am crushed, all I really do is listen to Avril Lavigne's 'My Happy Ending' or Pink's 'Nobody Knows', and I won't update for another day or so.**

**When I am touched, I will listen to Evenenesce's 'Everybody's Fool' and Avril Lavigne's 'I'm With You', and I will update as I am listening.**

**Basically, reviewing helps me be encouraged to update sooner. But I will get the next one out at least by tomorrow no matter what- it just might be late.**


	3. Chapter 3: Scared

**Hey! Sorry about yesterday- I was getting my driver's license, only to have it taken away. Not fair!**

**So, here's the third chapter of New New Moon**

**Disclaimer- If I owned the Twlight Saga, I'd be Stephenie Meyer. And I'm the farthest thing from that.**

Chapter 3: Scared

When we got to my house, I turned to him. He tilted his head questioningly.

"Why did you come? And how did you know I was there?" I demanded.

"I knew you were there because your car was parked at the trail entrance," he said, turning away.

I sat there, confused, for a moment, as I processed what he had said- and not said.

"You didn't answer my first question." I said flatly.

"Hmmm? What was it again?" he said. Now I knew that he was stalling.

"Why did you come and get me?"

"Oh. Ummm..." he said, glancing at me.

I huffed at him, and pleaded with my eyes. "Why won't you tell me?" I asked, genuinely curious.

"It'd scare you," he mumbled to the window. He turned to me, also pleading with his eyes for me to leave well enough alone.  
Which I did not intend to do.

"Please?" I pleaded, getting even more curious than before.

He sighed, and his shoulders hunched momentarily. "I really didn't want you to know. It'd scare you. But-" he sighed, "You'd figure it out soon enough, anyway..."

"Wait" I interupted him, "Was it... Victoria?" I shivered involuntarily.

He turned to me, and whispered so softly that I had to lean in to hear, "...Yes."

My heart stopped for a minute, then started up again at a much faster rate than before.

"Did you..." I gasped.

"No. Bella, calm down, you're safe with us." He looked at me anxiously, a sort of -scared?- look in his eyes.

I tried to calm down for him. Although he _should _be scared- a bunch of teenager werewolves against Victoria was not an even match in the slightest- I didn't want him to be.

Evenutally, my heartbeat slowed down to a normal speed, and Jake didn't look as worried.

"But... why did you come and get me, if you were chasing Victoria?" I said, my heart skipping a beat as I said it.

"She escaped from us into the ocean. I remembered that you were often out on the beach, so I came to get you so she wouldn't." I winced at the last sentence.

He saw that, and turned to me.

"I won't let her get you," he said fiercely, and then softened as I started to cry.

"Why are you crying, Bells?" he asked, taking me into his arms.

"Because... because you could get hurt," I sobbed, and he pulled me closer. "I... I couldn't..." I couldn't stop blubbering long enough to tell him that I didn't want him to get hurt.

But he seemed to understand anyway.

"Oh, Bella." he said, and hugged me tightly as I started to cry harder.

"Don't worry about me. Worry about yourself, Bells." he said.

I looked up at him. He looked so...

Loving.

I stretched up and kissed him on the lips. He gasped with shock, then returned it.

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**Okay, yeah, I know that that chapter was not very well written. Go ahead and try to convince me otherwise, I won't believe it. I suck at writing emotional conversations- they always come out cheesy- sounding. So... go ahead and review now. I won't stop you.**


	4. Chapter 4: Uh oh!

**Hey, sorry this took so long- my computer caught it's bi-annual virus (every six months, my computer catches a different strain of the same virus- it's really weird.) This strain of virus COMPLETELY shut down my Internet, and almost took down my entire family's network. Luckily, my dad works with computers, so... That is why I have not updated.**

**No, seriously.**

**Hope you like the latest edition to New New Moon (I'm trying to think up a different name- review if you want to help.)**

**Disclaimer- This would be the actual New Moon if I owned the Twilight Saga, and most of Breaking Dawn wouldn't have happened- what can I say, I'm Team Jacob.**

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**Chapter 4:Uh-oh!**

He stiffened for a moment under my lips, then relaxed, slowly putting his arms around me. After a moment, we broke apart, gasping for breath.

"Jake?" I asked as he turned away, "What is it?"

He turned around, seemingly to tell me what was wrong, and tensed up suddenly, sniffing the air.

"Vampire," he hissed, "Oh, crap. Should I get you out or fight?"

He took one look at my wide, terror-filled eyes and said, "Get you out."

He started my truck back up (did he stop it to begin with? I can't remember...) and started to drive away.

I caught a glimpse of red hair in my window- she was waiting for me.

If I had been trembling before, I was shaking now.

Jake put his arms around me and said, "Hush, I'll get you out."  
Why... oh. I was sobbing uncontrollably.

"Come on, truck, go faster," I muttered, making Jake emit a short bark of laughter.

"Well, I want to get away faster," I huffed, turning to look at Jake. That was a mistake- he was so tense the steering wheel was in danger.

Now I knew I was in trouble.

Uh-oh.

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**Okay, yeah, I kinda liked the 'get you out' line, so I just changed it so that the vamp Jake was expecting was the vamp that was there, instead of Alice and the fight.**

**A lot of this was actually following the plot line of the actual New Moon because I am exhausted. My mom thinks I'm anemic or something (anemic- when you do not have enough blood and nutrients to survive for long) cause I've been sleeping from the time I get home to about 9, then doing my homework and sleeping till my usual 7- and falling asleep in class- and I'm STILL TIRED!!!**

**So- really rambling anecdote right here (go look it up if you don't know)- now review- if you want. If you do, I'll send a personal message. Ideas are always nice, though not strictly necessary- I just do this to write.**


	5. Chapter 5: Charlie!

**Hey everyone- my Internet is acting up still, so this is a little later in than I wanted it to be- but on the bright side, I can finish more chapters!**

**So- if I owned the Twilight Saga, this would be published- not a fanfic.**

**Chapter 5:**

"Victoria!"

I hissed, startling Jacob.

His grip on the steering wheel tightened even more, to the point where it was creaking and groaning.

"Yeah," he ground out, "Victoria's in there."

My eyes widened.

"Wait!" I hissed, "Charlie! What if he comes home? Victoria..." I trailed off, knowing full well what might happen to Charlie if he came home while Victoria was still there.

"It's okay," Jake glanced at me and smiled tightly, "I'll call my dad- he'll keep Charlie over there until we are absolutely sure that Victoria's gone."

I stopped hyperventilating, though I was still scared.

"Hey," said Jake. "Don't worry- the pack will take care of her."

I shook my head. "That doesn't make me feel better in the slightest."

He laughed tightly. "You don't trust us?"

"I don't trust that you won't get hurt," I whispered.

"Don't worry about us," he said, "We'll be just fine. It's you I worry about."

I turned and looked out the window. Wow, we were already almost to his house. That discussion must have taken longer than I thought.

I daydreamed about a time when I wouldn't have to worry about vampires and werewolves getting hurt.

Jake stopped the car, yanking me out of my reverie.

"Come on, Bella. Let's get you inside." He said.

We walked to the familiar little house and went inside.

Where Sam, Paul, and Embry were waiting for us.

Paul glared at me, and I shrank back against Jake, who glared at Paul and said,

"Paul, no. It's the blood-sucker- Victoria."

The change in all of their demeanors was immediate- Sam's eyes darkened and he walked out, Embry stood up rigidly, and Paul followed Sam.

Then Sam's head poked out from outside, frightening me very much.

"Get her dry, Jake. Stay with her."

Jake smiled grimly. "I wasn't going to leave her- not in this state."

He turned to me, indicating that I was shaking, and- were those weird moans from me? I tried to stop, but it seemed too hard, so I gave up, and leaned against Jacob.

Sam nodded, and left. I heard wolf howls, and Jake sighed and turned to me.

"Go sit on the couch while I get you something to eat and call Charlie."

Oh, damn. I smacked my forehead. "Charlie! I forgot to call Charlie! He's going to kill me!"

Jake smiled. "Don't worry, Bells, I'll call him. Or Dad will."

I drew in a shaky breath and nodded.

He smiled. "Good. Now- what do you want to eat?"

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**Like it? Hate it? Leave thoughts/ comments. Review, please!**

**As said before, I am so sorry about the delay. My computer was being annoying.**


	6. Chapter 6: Phoning

**Hey peeps- this is the sixth chapter of New New Moon.**

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"Ummm..." I said, dithering over what to eat.

Jacob laughed and said, "I'll just get you some eggs, alright?"

I smiled and nodded. "Okay, that sounds good."

While he was in the kitchen, I quickly looked around the living room- maybe I would find something to use to keep myself warm while Jake was gone.

I spotted blankets, and as I was going to go get them, Jake appeared with a spatula in hand, looking slightly puzzled, and slightly amused.

"What are you doing?" he asked, obviously wondering why I was getting blankets.

I half-smiled and explained, "I'm cold."

Almost immediately, his face cleared of puzzlement, and his mouth stretched into a smile.

"Then come into the kitchen," he laughed, "It's much, much warmer in there."

I looked sheepishly up at him.

"Coming." I said, and picked my way through the tiny room's chairs and TV set to the slightly bigger kitchen, which seemed smaller because of the bulk that was Jacob Black.

He was right- it _was_ warmer in the kitchen- but I was still a little cold. To make up for it, I stood as close to Jacob as possible without tripping him or me up- which helped. Now, I was cold, but not uncomfortably. I just watched him fry my eggs for a while. Eventually, he realized how close I was standing, and his eyes flicked to my face and away, so quickly I might have imagined it.

I sighed. He glanced at me again and smiled. Suddenly, I was aware of how just how close I was standing to him. He seemed aware now, too, and he gazed into my face with the same intensity that he had in the car- only this time, it was slightly different, almost imperceptible. But it was there, and I could feel it.

After a few moments of a very intense silence, he forced a laugh and said, "Bella, you really must be cold if you're standing _that _close. You should go get a blanket."

Feeling slightly cheated and disapointed, I quickly went to get a blanket- but, of course, I tripped and fell onto the couch with a squeak.

I could hear Jake's booming laugh, and my easy blush was triggered.

I quickly grabbed one of the blankets that were next to me on the couch, and carefully walked back to the kitchen.

"How come a werewolf has such a teensy house with too big furniture," I complained, trying to keep my tone light and fun, but only succeeding partily.

He grinned my grin and said, "It happens when that werewolf won't be eighteen for two more years."

I laughed, but it came out slightly strained and bordering on hysteria. I quickly stopped before it could actually become hysteria.

He put my fried eggs on a plate and we sat in silence as I ate them.

Eventually, I finished, and he got up, saying, "I need to call Charlie, so he won't send out a search team."

I winced slightly- that reminded me of that night in the woods that seemed so long ago.

He saw the wince, and said, "Sorry, Bells. I forgot."

I nodded, too worried about Sam and the pack to really be mad or anything- not that I would have been anyway. It wasn't his fault- it's mine.

I was trying not to think about what might happen to the werewolves if they couldn't get Victoria while Jake was on the phone with Charlie, when my cell phone rang from inside my pocket.

I blinked in shock; I didn't even remember putting my phone in there.

Jake was looking at me oddly, so I wrestled my phone out of my pocket, and answered it.

"Hello?"

"Bella?"

I gasped, and dropped the phone. Jake immediately muttered something to Charlie and hung up.

"What is it, Bells?" he asked, looking genuinely worried.

I just sat there and stared at the phone. It couldn't be...

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**Okay, I know, I'm evil. But hey, at least I gave you the longest chapter I have ever given beforehand.**

**I have discovered the key to my writing- ANs are tiring for my muse. I'll keep them short from now on.**


	7. Chapter 7: Keeping Me Whole

**Seventh chapter. Duh.**

_It couldn't be..._

No. It couldn't be. It just couldn't.

"Bella? Are you okay?" Jake asked, gripping my shoulder. I couldn't answer him- I didn't know if I was all right, or not.

He went over and picked up my phone from the floor where I had dropped it- was he still on the phone? Or had he realized that he was calling _me_ and hung up after I had dropped the phone?

Jake put the phone to his ear, and said "Hello? Who is this?"

I heard someone talking on the other line, and Jacob stiffened.

"Edward."

I hissed as Jake said his name, and he looked over at me worriedly.

I smiled, or tried to smile, at him, but my facial features felt frozen, and I was sure it had looked odd and stiff. I wrapped my arms around myself, like I had done so many times before.

Jacob's eyes looked sad now.

"I'm sorry," he half-whispered into the phone, "She doesn't want to talk to you."

The other voice- I couldn't think of it as Edward, or I'd break down- sounded angry.

Jake's eyes hardened, and he growled out, "No, I am not making that up. She's barely normal at the moment- because of your abrupt phone call, I might add."

I heard him speaking low and fast, and I thought he might be accusing Jake of keeping me from the phone.

I uncurled one of my arms from my abdomen and extended it to Jake, signaling I wanted the phone. Jake's eyes darkened slightly, but he gave me the phone.

As soon as I was sure my voice was presentable at least, I said, "Hello?"

I heard an intake of breath on the line, and a velvety voice that made me cry and smile at the same time said "Bella? Is that you? Who was that, and why did he say that you couldn't speak to me?"

I barked a short laugh. "Too many questions." I managed, though my voice cracked slightly.

I heard a short burst of silence, then a "Are you alright, Bella? What's wrong?"

I took a shaky breath, and looked at Jake, who was trying to give me strength with his eyes. I smiled tightly at him, trying to thank him.

"What do you think's wrong?" I asked, and marveled that my voice was steady, although slightly higher-pitched than normal.

I heard him sigh. "Oh. I am so sorry, Bella," he said. I wondered what he was sorry about- I was the one who wasn't good enough for him.

"I didn't think that it would hurt so much," he continued.

"What do you mean?"

"Leaving you," he seemed surprised that I didn't know that.

I sighed, and my eyes closed. I let the phone drop down from my ear. I must be hallucinating- he would never say that in real life. I must have hit my head really hard on something while I was cliff-diving, or something.

"Bella?" He was still there- why? He should get on with his life- without me.

"Bella, are you all right? Should I come back?" No, I wanted to say. Go on without me as a burden.

But my throat was too tight from trying to stay together to say anything, so I just closed the phone and carefully set it down. Before I could wrap my arms around myself, I found that Jake's arms were around me, keeping me together.

I leaned on his shoulder, and started crying quietly. I felt his head in my hair, and I felt him breathe deeply.

That is how the pack found us three hours later- me still crying, and Jake still with his arms keeping me whole.

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**Gosh, I feel empty now. Next chapter, ahoy!**

**This short ANs is really working!!!**


	8. Chapter 8: Black Hole Consuming

**Eighth Chapter.**

"Jake, what happened?" asked Sam, who looked tired and subdued.

But Jake didn't answer- not really. As soon as I looked at Sam, my eyes feeling empty, Sam's eyes flashed with understanding.

"_He_ called, didn't he?" Sam purposely stayed away from Edward's name, to keep my from further pain. But it was too late- I was already full to the brim with it. The pain was threatening to overwhelm me, and I didn't care. I felt numb, empty. It felt worse than the other pain, the pain of having no heart or lungs. It ws like a black hole was slowly taking all of me.

"Yes," Jake answered. I just clung tighter to him, trying to keep myself from losing anymore of me.

"We didn't catch her, but we've got a patrol on her house, so she shoudl be safe," said Seth, looking more subdued than I had ever seen him. Maybe it was because he could see my black hole- maybe it was because Jake looked exhausted and slightly scared- scared of Edward? It didn't make sense...

Oh- he was scared that Victoria would get me. But frankly, at this point, I couldn't care anymore about it- actually, I sort of welcomed it- a relief from the black hole.

What happened to me? Edward calls one time and suddenly I'm suicidal, a martyr.

"Come on, Bella, let's get you home," said Jake gently. He looked resigned- what had they been talking about when I was thinking? It reminded me of those four months when I was basically dormant- was I going to go back to that? Only this time was it going to be worse?

"Don't worry, Jake," said Paul. "She'll be fine there."

Shoot- I had lost more time. I was really starting to be afraid of my black hole- would it consume everything?

Next thing I knew, I was in my truck, and Jake was driving. It was silent, but it was a loaded silence. I could sense that he was worried about me- both from Victoria, and the hole where Edward used to be.

He sighed and said, "We're here."

I really was afraid of this losing-time thing; it was much worse than before, and what if something important happened during one?

"Bells? You coming?" I sighed and nodded, trying to stay at least slightly alert.

When we walked into my house, the first thing I noticed was that Charlie was nowhere in sight, and the place was immaculate- not normal.

"Sam and them cleaned up a little after themselves," Jake explained, "And Charlie's at the station- there was a bad accident on the highway, and he has paperwork."

I nodded and walked upstairs to my room. It was messy, a stark contrast to the rest of the house. Jake made a face.

"They must not have wanted to put anything in the wrong place. Sorry, Bells."

I just stared at it, and he came up behind me and whispered hesitantly in my ear, "Do you want me to help?"

I slowly nodded. I would definitely need help with this mess. Especially in the state I was in now.

He didn't say anything, just went to the nearest pile and started sorting out clothes, tufts of fur, and CDs.

I sat next to him and worked on figuring out what to save, what to throw away, and what to wash. The save pile was a good size, there was only fur tufts in the throw away pile, and all of the clothes in the wash pile when I heard the door open and slam, and Charlie yell, "Bella? Are you here?"

I threw a glance at Jake, and he stood up from the last jumbled pile in the room- which was on my bed- and walked over. I smiled at him.

It was amazing how attuned to me he was- he could tell I needed him to face Charlie.

"Yeah, Dad- I'm here," I yelled. I saw Jake wince- my voice was stratchy, as if I'd been crying for hours and hours- which I sort of had.

I heard him stomp up the stairs and enter my room. He glanced around with wide eyes, and spotted Jacob standing next to me.

"Hey, Jake," he said, an obvious question in his eyes, "What's up?"

Jake made an effort to smile, but I could tell that Charlie didn't buy it. "Nothing much- Bella needed help cleaning up her room- I offered."

"Uh-huh." Charlie nodded, though he was still suspicious. Then he saw me.

He immediately glared at Jake, and asked me, "Bella, what happened?"

I took a deep breath, and looked at Jacob. He must have known I couldn't say it, so he said, "_He _called."

Charlie looked shocked and angry- he obviously knew who Jake was talking about.

"Why would he call when he hurt her so badly?"

I rolled my eyes- my black hole was receding slightly with the company of Charlie and Jake. "I'm right here, Dad."

Charlie looked slightly embarrassed, but he kept on his questioning of Jake. "Why did he call?"

"We don't know," I said quietly- the black hole in my chest kept fluctuating back and forth from the mentions of Edward.

"Bella? You okay?" I blinked, and all I saw was Jake, right in front of me... and Charlie was gone. Crap, I lost more time- this was really scaring me.

"Yeah," I said, standing up shakily- when had I sat?- and looking straight at him.

"You've been sitting and staring at the same spot for three hours now," he said, staring at me as if something was wrong with me- which there was.

"Really?" I was shocked that it had lasted so long this time.

"Yeah- are you sure you're all right? Cause I don't think it's normal to become unresponsive for so long- Charlie went to get a doctor," he said.

Oh, crap- how was I supposed to explain this to a doctor?

"Yeah, I just was thinking," I said- he didn't believe me, judging by his snort of disbelief.

"Yeah, of course you're okay, Bells, since you space out and think so hard that you can't hear us yell at you."

What was wrong with me?

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**What is wrong with Bella? Find out soon if you review!! Hope you enjoyed!**


	9. Chapter 9: She's Back

**Ninth Chapter.**

What was wrong with me? This was really scaring me- and Jake- and Charlie, apparently, since he called the hospital.

Just then, Charlie walked in saying, "The hospital says that I should try to bring her in..." He stopped when he saw that I was looking at him.

He came over to me, carefully avoiding the piles of junk, clothes and fur that looked like dust bunnies and sat next to me.

"You okay, Bella? You kinda scared us there."

I looked at him and opened my mouth to say something, when I heard a car door slam outside.

I looked towards the window, and Jake walked towards it, looking out. When he turned around again, he looked slightly angry, and a little afraid.

"Who is it?" I didn't recognize my own voice, it was so defeated and cracked.

Charlie stared at me, pity in his eyes. I looked away- I didn't deserve his pity- I was the one that wasn't good enough for him.

"It's..." I saw Jacob struggle with words, and I suddenly knew it was a Cullen.

So I stood up, startling Charlie and Jake for some reason, and went to the window.

I almost died when I saw who was outside. I immediately ran down the stairs and opened the door to find she was already there.

I grinned at her, momentarily forgetting my hole.

"Alice, what are you doing here?" I said, happier for a moment- until I saw her black eyes, so like Edward's that first day.

She grabbed my arm before I could sink down.

"No, Bella," she whispered fiercely, "Don't give in- the Cullen will never be the same if you do."

I stared at her, uncomprehending.

"What do you mean?" I whispered back, really confused.

"Bella!" I heard Jake again, and I opened my eyes- what? why were they closed?- to see that he was hovering over me.

He looked relieved. "Bella, are you all right?"

"What do you mean?" I asked, getting up from the sofa- when did I get there?- and stretching. I felt stiff, but it hadn't been very long- had it?

"I mean, Bella, that you just sat in the middle of the hallway and started muttering to yourself- just like last time." Jake said, really worried now.

Alice turned sharply to him. "This has happened before?"

Jake nodded at her, and immediately turned back to me.

"Oh, shit," whispered Alice, earning a disapproving look from Charlie, "That isn't good."

"How long this time?" I asked Jake, feeling the same as Alice.

"Two hours or so- you fell asleep about an hour ago." he said.

Then Alice said, "I'm getting you to the hospital. Now."

"Why? I feel fine now," I argued. It was bad enough to go to the hospital normally, but this... I didn't know if they could do anything about it.

"Because we want to know why this is happening," now she was looking at me funny. I sighed.

"I know- but must we go to the hospital now?" I asked, desperate not to go to the hospital for some odd reason- it seemed urgent that I didn't go to the hospital.

Now everyone was looking at me strangely- I could tell that they thought there was something seriously wrong with me.

I couldn't blame them- I could only blame myself.

Then Alice got that blank look on her face, and she turned away.

Jake and I stared at her back until she turned around, and said, "Bella, you are going to the hospital."

I was surprised how venomous she sounded, and apparently, so was Charlie, since he backed away from her- slowly, which was slightly funny.

I knew that you could only give in to Alice when she was like this, so I stood up and went to the door. Alice was right behind me, and Jake trailed behind.

Eventually, as we were walking out to the car, he turned to me and asked, "Will you be okay without me? I need to tell the pack that she's here."

I sighed and nodded- it wasn't like I could do anything about it. His pack needed that information; to deny them that would be to risk a war.

So he ran into the woods, and Charlie came out.

"Where did Jacob go?" he asked.

"Home," I answered, quite truthfully, "He thought Billy might get worried."

Charlie seemed to accept that, and we got into Alice's car- actually, Carlisle's, but that isn't the most important detail.

Alice let Charlie drive- probably to keep him from freaking out and arresting her- and she sat next to me in the back.

"Bella," she whispered, soft enough that Charlie probably couldn't hear, "You need to try to stay as alert as possible- I saw you slipping into a coma the next time- and not coming out."

"Sure, Alice," I said, not bothering to keep my voice down- it was a normal enough reply.

Then Alice smiled and engaged me in a conversation- making sure that I was always talking, so I couldn't go into a trance. We talked about how my studies were going, how everyone was, and about what had happened in the months she hadn't been there. I really couldn't say all that much, but somehow Alice kept me alert until we arrived at the hospital.

When we got out of the car, my black hole suddenly started troubling me again- it was like I couldn't breathe, I had been hit in the stomach.

I hunched over, trying not to make it obvious that I was gasping for breath, but Alice- being Alice- noticed, and immediately started pulling me along as quickly as humanly possible- no vampire speed here, and I was grateful- to get inside before something happened.

When we got inside, Dr. Snow greeted me and said, "What's wrong this time, Bella?"

But I couldn't speak- I couldn't breathe- I felt like I was dying inside- so I glanced at Alice, who said, "She's been spacing out, and not remembering afterwards."

"How long are these black-outs?"

"The last one lasted for three hours." My breath wooshed back in, and I could breathe again.

Immediately, the doctor looked serious. "How long ago was this?"

"About ten or twenty minutes ago."

The doctor nodded and said, "All right, Bella, I need you to come with me."

I had a really bad feeling. I glanced at Alice, and she looked back encouragingly.

And then I stopped breathing, and forogt how to start again.

After a minute of no breathing, I dimly felt myself crumble to the ground, and heard Alice, Charlie, and Dr. Snow talking somewhere far away.

All I could think about was how much I wanted the pain to end.

And I knew no more.

* * *

**All of you probably hate me right now- don't worry, there's more. It'll be up soon.**


	10. Chapter 10: Going Blind

**Tenth Chapter.**

I opened my eyes to find that something was standing over me. My eyes were still blurry, though, so I couldn't really see who it was.

"Bella?" I heard a voice that sounded familiar, but I couldn't place it- not right now. I felt as though it was important that I remember whose voice it was, so I blinked and blinked, but I still couldn't see, and the hole was getting bigger, threatening to overwhelm me. I closed my blurry, frighteningly unseeing eyes and tried to stay calm- I heard a monitor's beeping pick up, and the voice telling me to calm down.

"Bella? Please, you need to calm down." said the voice. "It isn't healthy for you right now to be so worked up."

I opened my eyes again- still blurry, but worse. Was I going blind?

"Who is that?" I croaked, surprised how bad my voice sounded.

"What do you mean, Bella? Can't you see me?"

"No," I admitted, "I can't- everything's blurry and dark." Was that- no, it couldn't be.

"Carlisle!" the voice called- could it be?- "Something's wrong!"

I heard footsteps, and Carlisle's voice. "What is it, Edward?"

I heard an intake of breath coming from me. It couldn't be true- he said he didn't want me. Why was he here?

"She says she can't see."

"I can talk for myself," I muttered, "I'm not mute- just half-blind."

"Bella, can you open my eyes?" I heard Carlisle ask, "I need to see them."

I grimaced- the fuzzy darkness was nerve-wracking- and opened my eyes to see that the darkness had almost completely taken over.

"It's worse!" I exclaimed, "I can't see at all! It's all black!"

I felt someone sit on the bed, and felt like I was going to cry- I could not see his face- although I could smell his cologne.

Then I saw the darkness lighten a little, and I said, "What's that light? It makes the darkness gray."

"It's a flashlight, Bella," said Edward. "Carlisle's looking at your retina to ascertain if what is blocking your vision is a clot, a cataract, or something else."

The gray darken to black all of a sudden.

"There's nothing there." said Carlisle. "Which means it's in your brain."

I felt my eyes widen, even though I couldn't see it.

"Brain?" I heard Edward say faintly. Why did he even care? He left me a while ago- why was he here?

The hole came up again- I hadn't even felt it recede. I heard my pulse ratings go up, and something beep- something bad, because I felt my throat closing up.

"Edward, go get a nurse," I heard Carlisle command. "Get a crash cart too- just in case."

No, I tried to tell him, I don't need that. It's the whole in my chest. I wished that Edward could hear me, and could know what was happening to me.

"Bella? Can you hear me?" asked Carlisle. I nodded, and I heard a nurse come in, saying, "What is it? She was fine a few minutes ago." I felt the black hole recede when I smelt Edward's unique cologne. The monitors I knew were there beeped once more, and steadied.

"Bella? Are you okay?"

"Yeah." my throat felt a little tight still, but it was manageable. "Sorry- panic attack."

"What?" I felt him sit on the edge of my bed.

"Panic attack?"I heard Alice speak, and I started. When did she get here?

"Sorry."

I nodded in the direction of the voice.

"Carlisle, what's wrong with her?" I heard her voice again, but in a completely different direction.

"We don't know."

"Bella? Panic attack?"

I winced and said, "All right, that was one of the worst, but I do get them occasionally."

"What caused it?"

I thought for a minute, and I eventually said, "I have no idea- I was thinking about... four months ago, so... That's probably it."

Silence.

"I can't see." I reminded them.

"Oh, sorry- Carlisle nodded." said Alice.

I sighed.

"What's wrong with me?"

* * *

**Shorter- but longer than at first.**


	11. Chapter 11: Uselessness

**Eleventh Chapter.**

_"What's wrong with me?"_

"We don't know- but we are going to figure out what it is."

"Bella?"

I turned towards the source of the new voice.

"Jacob?"

"Yeah, Bells, I was wondering how you were doing- I got a call from Charlie that you collapsed in here almost a day ago."

"A day ago?" It had been a day already? Wow- I must have slept for a long time.

"Yeah... what's wrong with your eyes?"

Oh, crap.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that you are staring over into empty space- is there something wrong with your eyes?"

I sighed and tried to curl up, but Carlisle stretched me back out again.

"You might accidentally disconnect something," he explained. I rolled my now-useless eyes and nodded.

"Yeah," I said, trying to address Jake, but I didn't know where he was, so...

"There's something wrong with my eyes."

"Actually, the problem's in her brain," Alice said, "Her brain can't interpret the signals from her eyes."

Silence.

"Jake, are you still there?" I asked, blushing slightly that I had to ask that question.

"Yeah." Jake's voice sounded sad.

I sighed. "Can someone go tell Charlie? He'll freak out otherwise."

"Already done. We're going to run some tests to see what's wrong with your brain."

A snarl. Then, "Jacob, where are you going?" Edward was angry- I could hear that.

"If you can't just accept my thoughts, then I should go, _bloodsucker_." he practically spat the word at Edward- I could hear it.

"Please, don't fight," I pleaded, "You couldn't imagine how much harder it is when you can't see."

I felt the bed shift under Edward. "Sorry, Bella."

I shook my head. Why was he apologizing to me? He shouldn't even be here- he told me that he didn't want me anymore.

"Why are you apologizing?" I asked him, really curious now.

I could feel everyone's eyes on me, especially Alice's- I don't kow how I knew, but I did- as Edward shifted again; away from me.

"What?" I asked, wondering if he just didn't want to upset a blind woman- I felt tears start to leak at that thought.

Almost immediately, I felt Edward's arms wrapped around me. I started, but he just wrapped his arms around me even tighter, yet gently for a vampire.

"I apologized because I'm sorry," Edward said, "I shouldn't have ever left you- it obviously hurt you more than helped. And it was easily the worst time of _my _existence."

I felt tears leaking out of my useless eyes.

"Finally, you 're back for a while, and my eyes are useless so I can't see you," I said.

He laughed and said, "Why would I leave again if it was the worst time of my existence?"

I just buried my head in his cold, hard chest, inhaling the scent I had missed so much. I didn't believe him- I didn't believe anything that I couldn't see. Which meant everything now.

"I don't believe you." I stated, and felt him stiffen slightly.

"Why not?"

"Because I can't see your face as you say that, so I can't judge if you're lying or not."

He laughed again, a sort of disused sound- like he hadn't laughed in a while.

"Even if you _could_ see my face, I'm pretty good at it- I've been practicing for a while now."

I laughed along with him now, relishing the happy, full moment while it lasted.

"Where's Jake and the rest?" I asked- all of a sudden, I got the feeling we were alone, because I didn't hear anything.

"How did you know they weren't here?" he asked.

"Because Alice at least would laugh along." I answered, and felt him move.

"I'm blind," I reminded him.

"Ah."

"That's better."

"I missed you, Bella." he said. I was slightly taken aback- I wasn't expecting it, since he walked out.

"I- I missed you too, Edward," I replied, my voice trembling a little."

"Okay, Bella, I need you to help me get you into a wheelchair to get an MRI." I heard Carlisle all of a sudden, and I jumped.

"Sorry."

"It's okay." Edward let go of me, and helped me into the wheelchair. It was really frightening, moving without any visual guidance. But I trusted Edward, even though he left.

When I was in the wheelchair, and Carlisle was wheeling me to the MRI machine, I suddenly had a thought.

"Carlisle, what time is it?" I asked.

"About noon." he answered. "Why, are you hungry?"

"Not really, I just wanted to know.

Hmm. A dark noon.

* * *

**All right, since you didn't vote at all, I'm going to pick a title- Dark Noon, because it fits- and it will keep on fitting, if the story doesn't take a weird turn, like stories sometimes do.**

**Stories speak more than most people listen. Listen to this chapter again, and it will reveal something about me.**


	12. Chapter 12: Chaos and Confusion

**Twelfth Chapter. I'm sick, so this may sound off. And I am SO sorry about the really, really long wait. I was sick with pneumonia, then summer started, I went to Disney World for a week with my family- no computer. Then to nerd camp for three weeks-no computer access. Then on to Vermont with my grandparents- no computer. And I am finally back. This was written before all of this, but I couldn't post it without my computer.**

"Okay, Bella, we're here." I heard Carlisle say.

"I want you to try to stand up. Carefully, or you might hurt yourself."

I took a breath, and stood. I felt like I was standing still, but I was obviously swaying, since Carlisle said, "Try to stand up straight without moving, Bella."

I nodded, and I felt him take my hand and lead me to a table thing- it must have been the thing I was supposed to lay on.

"Okay, Bella, just turn around- no, not that far- that's it. Now, sit down. I won't let you fall. Swing your legs up and lie down. Carefully- don't hurt the machine. Good. Now lie still."

I followed all of his instructions carefully, and ended up on a table thing that moved. I tried to lie as still as I could, but I couldn't help but fidget.

'Vampire still,' I told myself. Vampire still.

Surprisingly, it worked, and I lay there in the darkness I was now getting used to for what seemed like hours, submerged in my thoughts.

Finally, I heard Carlisle say, "Okay, Bella, you can sit up."

I felt the table slide out, and when it stopped, I sat up, feeling like was about to fall over.

"Whoa, steady there, Bella. Now, I'll help you down- just trust me."

I took a shaky breath, and let Carlisle stand me up and sit me down in the wheelchair.

I closed my aching eyes, and fell asleep.

* * *

"Bella?" I heard a velvety voice I thought had disappeared a while ago- except for my hallucinations. Why was he sad?

I opened my eyes, and saw still more blackness. I tried not to cry, but a few tears escaped.

When I felt a cold, marble hand wiped them away, I shied away a little.

"Bella, I'm sorry."

I furrowed my brow. "Why are you sorry?" I asked. I was genuinely confused- he was sorry? For what?

"You're blind- probably for the rest of your life. And- it's because of a tumor."

My mind was reeling. Tumor? "Tumor?" I heard my voice echo my mind.

"Yes Bella- a tumor. Cancer. In your brain."

My mind was reeling. Cancer? I barely felt the bed shift, but I heard him walk away.

Wait- heard? How was that possible? I couldn't hear them before, but now?

My life was now a big jumble of chaos and confusion.

* * *

**Shorter, but at least it's an update. Sorry about the wait! **


	13. Chapter 13: Wrong with my Brain

**Thirteenth chapter.**

* * *

"Bella?" I heard Charlie's voice, and his uneven footsteps, approach me. "Bella, can you hear me?"

I swallowed to wet my suddenly dry throat, cleared it, and nodded.

"Is that a yes or no? Cause it looked like it could have been either."

I closed my eyes- it was less scary when they were closed- and laughed hoarsely.

"If I shook my head, it would have meant I heard you, anyways."

I heard a shaky laugh, and something sat- more like collapsed- on my bed.

"So, yes then?"

"Yes." I heard him smile- wait, what?- and then he hugged me.

"Yikes, dad! Give me some warning!" I yelped, even though I had known that he would have hugged me just then, hearing the movement.

Someone walked into the room.

"Who's there?" I asked, swinging my head towards the sound of the footsteps.

"How did you know someone was there?" I heard Emmett ask curiously, and I shrugged.

"I dunno- air passage? Footsteps? I just knew." I grinned at where I thought Emmett was, and he laughed.

"It looks really weird when you do that with your eyes closed." I shrugged again. "It keeps my eyes from getting too dry."

I heard several footsteps- heavier than Emmett's, but lighter than dad's.

"Jacob?" I asked, feeling my brow crease.

"Jesum, Bells, how'd you do that?" I heard Jacob say. He sounded slightly on edge, but calmer than I expected, there being a 'bloodsucker' in the room.

I shrugged. All this shrugging was starting to make my shoulders hurt.

"Footsteps?" I said, but it sounded more like a question.

I then began laughing. I could feel them staring at me, but I just couldn't stop. I didn't even know what was funny- it seemed like nothing was, looking back, but right then, everything seemed really funny.

"Bella?" I heard Edward say my name cautiously. "Are you all right?"

Somehow my laughter turned into sobs, but everything still seemed funny. Something was most definitely wrong with my brain.

* * *

**Hah! Another chapter! And this soon!**

**So I gave you some hope for Bella. Hope you don't hate me for the last chapter.**


	14. Chapter 14: Life's a Guess

**Fourteenth chapter.**

**I skipped a bit of time, because my muse decided it wanted a time jump to give this story a little jump-startish help. It worked!**

** This is a filler-ish chapter. But it's the first one! That makes me happier.**

* * *

"Bella?" I heard someone ask- I could barely tell who anyone was anymore. It had been about a month- me losing sense of where I was, when it was. I couldn't feel pain anymore- a blessing that the cancer had decided to give me, because my eyes had started to really hurt, and my body ache, a week after I was admitted.

Everything was really screwed up. I don't think it could have gotten any more screwy.

"Bella, we think that your cancer is speeding up."

I really need to not entice the universe like that.

I remembered the day about a week ago when I regained my sight for almost a full day. Everyone was joyful, especially Edward. And now...  
Poor Edward. Poor me.

I sighed and turned over, careful not to fall out of the bed. I felt cold, hard hands turn me back onto my back.

"You know better, Bella." I heard someone scold.

I wonder what their reaction would be if I just pretended to not be able to hear.

"Bella?"

I sighed. I couldn't do that to them- that would just take away any hope they had left for me. The only thing that was clear to me at the moment was that I needed to keep in touch with them as long as possible.

"Bella? Can you hear me?"

Yes, I tried to say, but my voice was almost non- existent, so I nodded.

I heard a sigh that was heaved from a chest I did not recognize- at least, anymore.

I felt tears at the corners of my eyes, but I blinked them away. I wouldn't show them weakness right now- I had a few more months for that. At least, right now I think I did.

Maybe I didn't. But life is really just a big guess. No one knows what's going to happen.

* * *

**Wow, that was angsty. I just hate going back to school.**


	15. Chapter 15: Time to Let Go

**Fifteenth chapter.**

I lay there, panting. Another episode of pain had just rushed through my body. Apparently, the cancer was almost finished with me- I was really just a shell, barely able to think, barely able to breathe, barely able to live. Everyone else thought I was dead. I couldn't speak anymore, couldn't move a muscle on my own, couldn't breathe on my own.

I hated this so much. Why didn't I just die? It was so painful, I couldn't describe it. I was trapped, but I could sense everyone. But they thought I was brain-dead, my brain was so inactive. I could think, but it was somehow... different. I don't know how. I felt like I was changing, like I was immerging from something that had me crippled, and I was becoming free. Was this what dying was? I didn't know.

But I liked it. Maybe Edward and Jacob would be all right someday. Maybe Jacob would find a special someone. I never did believe that Edward truly loved me.

The only person that ever visited anymore was Charlie. Maybe he thought that I could hear him, somehow. It made me want to smile.

But I couldn't anymore.

I was neither dead, nor alive.

But something was happening- I could feel that I was getting stronger.

"Bella? It's Dad. I really wish that you would wake up. We all miss you- Billy tells me that Jake's doing really badly. And Edward's almost always here."

Really? He was really quiet...

"Baby, why don't you wake up? I was supposed to get a goodbye with you. Can't you give me that much? I'm going to miss you around the house- I _do_ miss you around there. It's so empty- it reminds me of when you were still back in Arizona, only a lot worse. Your mom's coming- she's on a plane. I told her not that long ago- I didn't want to worry her. That was a bad mistake, wasn't it?"

Yes, it was, Dad, I wanted to tell him. I wanted to tell him that I loved him, to tell Jake I was really sorry, and Edward...

I wanted to tell Edward that I loved him, and that he hurt me so much when he left.

And now, I would never do that. I would never see them laugh, or cry, or look at me with love. Never kiss Edward... or Jacob, for that matter. That one, brief kiss we shared wasn't enough for me.

I realized then that I loved them both. In different ways, but I loved them. I loved Charlie, and Emily, and the pack, and the Cullens, and Angela, and Mom.

I would miss them so much. And this would make them so very sad.

It was time to let go.

**

* * *

**

I'm so sorry- but there's a few more chapters.


	16. Chapter 16: I'll be Safe, I'll Wait

**Sixteenth chapter. Yes, it's happening. Keep reading.**

_It was time to let go._

As soon as I realized this, I relaxed. I felt a warm, almost fuzzy, feeling.

I heard a monitor beep somewhere, and Charlie said, "Bella?"

I heard a bunch of voices all of a sudden in my room- my mom was one of them.

"Oh, Bella! Oh, my beautiful daughter!"

I kept myself slightly relaxed, and slowly opened my eyes a little bit.

"Bells?" That was Jacob. He, Mom, Charlie, Billy, and all of the Cullens were there. Good. The only one missing was Emily- the rest of the pack could get it from Jake.

Emily walked in. _Thank you._ I said silently to whatever power there was that was helping me.

I dimly registered that everyone was staring at me in shock. I had to do this- I had to say goodbye.

"I'm so sorry, everyone," I rasped, trying not to tense up.

I heard 12 gasps echo through the room.

"But that's impossible," said Carlisle.

But Charlie understood. "She wants to say goodbye," he whispered, obviously struggling not to cry.

I nodded, trying not to wince. The pain was back- the powers that be were trying to make this quick.

"I just wanted to say... I love all of you, equally." I looked from Edward- I couldn't believe how much I missed his face- to Jacob.

"And that I'm so sorry that I didn't get to spend any more time with you. I really wish I could have. Please don't be sad." I tried to fight the tears that were welling up.

"Please. I don't want you to be sad for me. And no trying to follow me." I said mock- sternly, looking at Edward and glancing at Jacob- they both looked like crap.

"I'll be safe. I'll wait for all of you, in your own time. Live as long as you can." I said, then closed my eyes, listened to everyone's sobs, and...

Left. I went somewhere with topaz and onyx gates, and russet brown floors. And then...

* * *

**This just shows how depressed I am.**

**There WILL be another chapter after this. Pretty soon, too.**

**I'm sorry about the really weird twist. It just came out.**

**THE CLIFFIE WILL BE FINISHED. I REPEAT, THE CLIFFIE WILL BE FINISHED.**


	17. Chapter 17: And Then

**Chapter 17. (SO SORRY!!!! AN at end)**

_And then..._

I was back, in my body. It was an amazing feeling- unexplainable.

I felt stronger, harder... like I imagined being a vampire would feel like.

I heard voices somewhere to my left. I was shocked when I recognized Carlisle and Edward arguing.

"No, you shouldn't leave. You need to be here for her funeral. You owe her that."

"It doesn't matter. She's dead! I have no reason to still be here- by her coffin, in this city, on this earth. Why won't you just let me go?"

"Because she wouldn't want that. You heard what she said those three weeks ago."

So I had been dead for three weeks. That was... amazing. It had felt like a few minutes, walking through the monotone castle, no doors, no ceiling, always twilight, always russet brown ground.

Maybe it was because there was no time there.

"I'm going, Carlisle. You can't stop me. Italia vocộ."

Italia- Italy.. I felt panic, wanted desperately to sit up and tell him not to, say that I wasn't dead, that I was still alive somehow, I didn't know how. But I couldn't- it was worse than before.

I heard a sigh, and footsteps receded. Footsteps! Not again! Was I back to the beginning of the cancer? Was it all a dream? No- it couldn't have been. It had been too painful to be a dream.

But maybe...

Maybe I had been in a coma, or something, and everyone thought I was dead.

No, too implausible.

I sighed and opened my eyes, to find myself on a metal table. Carlisle's back was in the doorway, and it looked like he was arguing with Edward with his mind.

"No, I have to," Edward said quietly, confirming my suspicion.

'Have to go where?' I almost said, until I realized that I would probably scare them if I did that. I don't know where that thought came from- I had never able to scare Edward in that way- but I knew this instinct was correct.

Why would I be on a metal table with Carlisle and Edward arguing a mere few feet away if they did not think I was dead, and therefore...

My heart was silent, therefore.

Somehow, that thought didn't scare me. I had been preparing to become a vampire, after all, and their hearts did not beat. But still, not having a heartbeat wasn't something that I necessarily was immediately comfortable with, since I had been taught from birth that no heartbeat equals no life.

But apparently, I was alive- and much more so than I had been a few... weeks... ago. I could literally _feel_ the air against my skin, pressuring me to do something, move, anything just to feel it the way it was meant to be felt. Being still was almost agonizing- but I couldn't move right now, not unless I wanted to raise questions that I couldn't answer right now. Or ever, really.

"Perhaps I shall see you again." That was Carlisle. I could almost feel the sadness and hope radiating from him. It almost made me weep myself.

"Probably not." Edward. He was going to Italy. He was going to the Volturi.

He was going to die.

"No," I whispered, so low that I could barely hear it. But, of course, Edward and Carlisle heard it, and turned around much more slowly than I would have thought, giving me a chance to close my eyes before they freaked out.

"Did you hear...?" Edward whispered.

I think Carlisle nodded because Edward then proceeded to say, "Well, then I'm not going completely crazy."

Carlisle chuckled softly, and said, "Perhaps you should rethink your decision, if Bella-" an audible gasp- "wants you to stay so much, she found a way to talk from beyond the grave."

I could feel the torment and indecision that was tearing at Edward just then. It was almost too much to bear silently- I bit my lip, to find that my teeth had become much harder and longer, and my lip had become almost... bark-like. It was a weird feeling, and I had to hold in a shudder at it, and the thought that I had become some sort of tree- rhino.

"Perhaps." I was shocked that I had missed none of the conversation in my contemplations about being a tree-rhino. Either they were slowing down, or my thinking had gotten faster. A lot faster.

I was brought back to attention- yet again- by a sound that, I'll admit, shocked me. I heard receding footsteps, as if Edward or Carlisle were walking away. But they were vampires- no one but another vampire could hear them walking. Maybe a werewolf could, but I wasn't a werewolf, or a vampire for that matter.

I was officially scared by my new self.

**Ok, I just wanted to officially apologize. I know that you guys may be very angry, or feel betrayed by the last AN at the end of the last chapter. I have really, really good explanations.**

**First- I moved. I am now officially about 16 thousand miles from my hometown- from a suburb to a very small town. Kinda like Bella, but not really, seeing as how I'm in the North_east. _Not the west. **

**Moving is very stressful. I have learned this over the past few months. I have been so busy trying to get friends, catch up on long-term projects, PLUS the normal school work.**

**I joined the book club- don't even think it- and it chews up even MORE time.**

**Second- I have had really, really bad writer's block for the past, oh, about 6 months. Longest time I have ever had writer's block. **

**And this was no ordinary writer's block- it was specific writer's block. Which basically means, my muse (the stupid thing I can't live without) decided that it was tired of fanfiction, and wanted to make up a completely different story, unrelated to Twilight, Bones, or whatever. THe good news is that I'm pretty far into it- about 2 chapters of about 20 pages each. 40 pages- which is really, really long for me. I'm a pretty concise person- oh. i just looked at the AN that I'm typing. Okay, but my muse is really out in force because I'm sick. Oh yeah-**

**Third- I'm sick. As in, I've been almost constantly sick since I got here. I have a theory that I'm getting used to the germs here.**

**SO SORRY!!! (and there is more to come eventually.)**


	18. Chapter 18: Funeral

**Chapter 18: Tada! A chapter! And not 8 months after the last one!**

After the whole freak out that I had about hearing their footsteps, both Edward and Carlisle left. Edward was supposedly going to think, Carlisle was going to tell the others about the new development in Edward.

I was still stuck on the metal bed, though. I was bored out of my mind, but I kept thinking that if I moved, someone was going to come and see that I wasn't there. I really didn't feel like scaring an unsuspecting nurse or something, and then causing a body hunt.

So I kept still for what seemed like hours until someone came in.

"Oh, Bella." It was Alice.

"Why'd you have to go now? Actually, a better question is, why didn't I see that you would die this way?"

Maybe it had something to do with the whole tree-rhino thing. I would bet my life's savings that I wasn't human anymore. Actually, I was probably the farthest thing from being human.

"The funeral's tomorrow."

WHAT? I had to go through my own funeral tomorrow? I was having enough trouble staying still right now- I had to be still all tomorrow, too?

"I kept it simple- I know that's the way you would have wanted it."

Oh, Alice... I bet that that was the hardest thing she's done in years.

"It's a private function- only us, the wolves, and your parents and closest human friends. We thought that it would be best, seeing how most of the other people didn't know you very well."

So Edward wouldn't have to deal with Newton and Jessica is probably a better reason. Oh, and Lauren. I almost forgot her. I bet that if Edward saw them at my funeral, he'd expose the vampire secret to everyone else. Seriously.

"Gosh, I wish that you could talk back to me. I'd really like that a lot. It's been so dreary at our house- Edward was thinking about going to the Volturi, but he decided against it."

Whew. That was relieving.

"Jasper's been depressed- he's been picking up on Edward's emotions, and sort of broadcasting them. No one wants to go near him anymore."

Oh. Gosh. That made me feel much worse about this pretending-to-be-dead-for-right-now thing. If only I could tell her about it...

"Bella?" Shoot, I must have twitched. It's getting more and more painful to stay still.

"Bella, did you just...?" Her voice trailed off as I heard her gasp. Stupid, uncooperative legs!

"Carlisle! Edward!" She called, and I tried not to wince as the sound reverberated off the walls and into my poor eardrums. They were starting to hurt as well. It felt just like I imagined being turned into a vampire felt- like my entire body was burning- only right now, it was burning to move, talk, to _do _something, anything.

"What is it, Alice?" I could hear how tired and worn down Edward sounded- like he had all of a sudden stopped holding up something really heavy.

"I think Bella just moved!"

I heard Carlisle sigh. "Alice, you really should stop doing this to yourself. You know that Bella is dead now- it really was just a matter of time, since she is- was- human."

"But Carlisle, I didn't see it. I saw her passing out just before we entered the hospital, but since then- nothing. Not a single vision of her. I think something's blocking my vision."

I could almost feel Edward's brow furrow- he was thinking, and thinking hard. I was thinking, too- but probably not about what he was thinking, because I was thinking about what exactly I was, that something would go to such trouble to block Alice's visions.

"Is that even possible?"

"Apparently so."

I sighed- mentally, of course. I really just wished that they would all leave the room, so I could at least wiggle something without one of them detecting it. The involuntary twitches had helped me, but it was building up again- that urge to move, to become the wind, or the sea, or the trees- all things that were constantly moving, constantly in motion, never ceasing. It was an almost burning desire- yet again, it felt like I imagined the vampire venom would feel.

Venom. Why hadn't one of the Cullens tried to transform me? Questions, questions, always circling, never ceasing...

* * *

I woke with a jolt, trying to sit up, but there was something over me. I was in a coffin, I suddenly realized. I could feel that something was lowering me into the ground.

No! I tried to shout, but my voice was gone completely. I was immobilized by an irrational fear of being put into the ground, the calm, patient, _still_ earth, a place that was not suited for me. Not suited for me at all.

I felt a thump that sent me reeling into the side of my grave, and then a pattering over me. No! They were going to bury me alive!

Some part of me knew that being buried, and then reborn, was just part of the circle of things that I had to do in order to become- what I was meant to be. What that meant, I still have no clue.

But the other part of me, the part that reveled in the wind and sea and trees, in ever-changing, never-ceasing movement, screamed in fear and panic. Being buried, to it, was like being burnt- I sensed that to be burnt was to be tortured by demons.

The pattering stopped, and my thoughts- and fears- were quenched. The moving part of me cried out, and fled out through me somehow, into the ground and out, spreading my consciousness throughout the sea and wind and trees, just as it wished. The part of me that was left behind- the quieter, stiller part that felt more like my old self- sighed in relief.

I knew what I had to do then.

I had to dig my way out.

**I have NO idea what came over me for that last inner monologue. I was almost literally asleep,and when I jerked awake, it was sitting in front of me, typed. Really spooky.**

**Of course, it may just be the fact that I'm sick, and still a little delirious.**

**Hope you enjoyed!**


	19. Chapter 19: A Little Bit of Sanity

**Oh. My. Gosh. I am SO SO sorry, people. I totally jumped off the face of the earth for a while. Well, it's been REALLY, REALLY hectic here in Lovela-land - still is, actually - and I let this fall to the wayside in the hopes that I would be able to keep up with school - which, amazingly enough, actually worked! But it's exam time again, and, in my slightly twisted mind, that means UPDATING STUFF! So, here you go, I know it's really short, but at least it's something after... what, almost a year? SO sorry about that. Enjoy! **

**Chapter 19: A Little Bit of Sanity**

It had been a while- I was still down there, trying to get out. I was having trouble getting out of the coffin. I knew that I could most certainly tunnel through the clay and topsoil and such once I was out of the wood, but I couldn't get out. You see, getting out meant that I had to somehow open the top of the coffin- which was about 6 feet under the ground, being pressed upon by more than 6 feet of clay and topsoil, not including atmospheric pressure. There was no way that I was going to be able to open that lid without help from something that could tunnel just enough that I could open the lid enough for me to be free among the clay.

Who in their right mind would actually dig me up now, was the question. I might be able to somehow shout for help, or let loose a torrent of feelings for Jasper or something- I knew by now that Edward couldn't hear me and Alice couldn't see me, so the only one who could actually detect me would be Jasper. Or perhaps some other vampire with a gift of detecting, like Demetri.

But Demetri would never help me right now- I bet the entire Volturi was informed of my demise, and was celebrating, or maybe mourning the lost chance to bring me over to their side.

Ugh.

Then, I heard a thunk at the lid of the coffin. There was something there, like an animal of some sort.

"HELLO?" I whispered, but it sounded deafening to my ears; they were used to absolute silence by now.

I heard the strange noise again. This time, I discerned a sort of scraping noise under the 'thunk'.

Was I being saved? Or was the noise simply a figment of my imagination, a sound that my brain decided I needed to hear.

I decided that I was being saved- it seemed more conducive to staying at least a little sane in a world gone completely mad.

Another thunk- this time the scraping was clear- something was making a space on the top of the coffin. I shoved at the lid...

And it gave. I took a little time to keep myself from crying with relief- it was terrifying, being buried alive. And now there was hope that I wouldn't slowly suffocate in this dark prison.

I shoved at the lid again, and it gave upwards with a grating sound that normally would have set my teeth on edge, but I was too busy being thrilled that I wouldn't die- not that I hadn't done that before, but this time was different.

I stared up at the narrow tunnel that shot straight up for two or three feet before gradually turning to the left- of course, whatever had created this tunnel for me knew that it probably wouldn't be good if I emerged in the middle of a graveyard. No, if I knew Edward and Alice, they'd probably still be there- and perhaps Jacob.

Of course, I could just be being egotistical, that they would stay that long after my actual funeral.

I crawled carefully up the tunnel- I didn't want to snag my clothes on the rough-hewn sides of the passageway, wasting time in this dark, dank place getting unstuck. That would be an absolute nightmare- almost as bad as actually getting buried.

It took forever to get out into the air. Hours, it felt like, but it was probably a much shorter time span. But it was still a pretty long time, steadily climbing up the dark, dank tunnel that smelled lightly like a mixture of honey and wet fur. Dog, maybe?

By the time I finally could smell fresh air, I was definitely tired enough to collapse, except for the fact that the tunnel was much too small for me to actually go to sleep; it was much too cramped, and the walls were too slimy for me to be remotely comfortable. But the fresh air…

It smelled heavenly. I couldn't remember anything smelling half as good as it. Well, maybe Edward. Or Jacob. God, those two were going to really confuse me when I finally actually found them.

And then, it hit me. No, I didn't have an epiphany. It was the fresh, cold air of the outdoors.

YES! I was out of that coffin, finally! I could feel some of the moving spirit that used to be in me floating around in these trees, but I had absolutely NO inclination to find it and let it back in again.

So I looked around me, trying to find a single landmark that might tell me where I was, and what it was that let me out of there.

Nothing. Nothing but trees, wind, and the occasional bird or woodland creature that was common to the woods of Washington State. Crap.

Where was I?


End file.
